Thursday, June 9, 2011

Chapter 1 - God's Gift

Everyone says first year of marriage is hard.  I didn't quite know what that meant until I was screaming and angrily throwing a spoon at my love's neck. Yeah. Surprised? I threw lots of things. It was disgusting. It's actually really embarrassing.
What happened to newlywed bliss? What happened to young love? It was nowhere to be found the months. I was a monster.  Seriously. Then I started reading the book Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl.  And my life changed. My mindset transformed, attitude turned around, disposition lightened, and heart softened.  I had NOT been fulfilling my role as the help meet God created me to be. Therefore, I was not happy. And neither was my husband.

Chapter 1

"A wise woman doesn't take anything for granted. She is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely." - Debi Pearl

As you wedded ladies have probably already discovered, you didn't just marry "the right man" and are living happily ever after. Both parties involved in matrimony are selfish sinners, so it takes a TON of work to create a heavenly marriage. Debi says, "Just like anything worthwhile, it takes doing the right things every day...every hour...every moment."
Boy is that the truth.

In Genesis 2:18 God said that it is not good that man should be he made a help meet for him. That's where we come in. We are indispensable. God made us for the specific purpose of meeting the needs of a man.  This is our purpose for existing!  Debi asks some tough questions to start things off:
  • If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband's helper, would you be that woman?
  • Does your husband share Adam's feelings of delight when he looks upon you?
  • Do you wake each morning ready to make your husband happy and blessed, to serve him to the best of your ability - to be his helper?
  • Are you engaged in active goodwill toward your man?...This is God's perfect will for you.
She makes some convicting analogies as well:
  • When you are a help meet to your husband, you are a helper to Christ.
  • When you honor your husband, you honor God.
  • When you obey your husband you obey God.
These words honor, obey, help, serve...these are the words that should define us.  They don't seem so bad when you're care-free and single, or falling in love, or happily planning a wedding, or jest hitched. But just wait until the dishes are piled up, the house is a mess, the phone is ringing, the kids are screaming, and your husband just walked in the door expecting dinner on the table.  THAT is when those words need to define us the most. And it won't come naturally. No...naturally, we would want to scream and run away. So we have to train our hearts and minds to see ourselves as designed for the sole purpose of honoring, obeying, helping, and serving GOD through honoring, obeying, helping, and serving our man. Sometimes, knowing that we're serving our Lord is the only thing that will carry us through those challenging times.

"God's will is that you be a suitable helper to your husband." But what if we know we can do a better job at leading than our husbands?  Sometimes we just have more experience with something, or we're plain 'ol better at something than he is. I bet you can think of a job he has as the leader that you know you can do better. Debi says, "It is not a question of whether or not you can do a better job than he; it is a matter of doing what you were 'designed' to do. If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it. It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you." God's design for the marriage relationship is perfect. How dare we think we can do a better job.

Being a helper does not equal inferiority.  It just means we are in a position to help one in authority do their job - better!  Men are created to be helpers of God, and we are to help our man in that goal...making him more productive and efficient at whatever he chooses to do.  You have no authority to set the agenda. But if he can trust you, he will make you is closest advisor...

Here's how Debi describes what a perfect help meet looks like:
  • Does not require a list of chores, as would a child
  • Her readiness to please motivates her to look around and see things she knows her husband would like to see done
  • She should not use lame excuses to avoid these jobs
The very fact that you are reading this indicates that your heart's desire is to honor God by becoming a real help meet to you man.

*At the end of every chapter, she gives ways to apply what we've learned....

>Make a new habit: Think of ways you can be a helper to your husband. Start today!


  1. Steph, I LOVE this book! It saved my marriage. I first read it a few years ago after 2 years of marriage. I am so excited you're blogging about it! Debi Pearl just has an amazing way at getting to the heart of the matter. It's not like her ideas are original-- she gets them from the Bible-- but sometimes we just need another wife whose been there to help us apply what we already know to be true.

    If you haven't already, forgive yourself for your rants and raves. You're moving on now, and you're a new person. If I told you what kinds of things I did to my husband those first couple of years, your spoon to the neck would look like a hug. I completely understand.

    I'm so proud of you for humbly accepting the truths of what you've read thus far. Only a woman who is truly trying to please God will accept what he says about her role and act accordingly to change those things in her life that she hasn't been doing right. I remember when I first read the book, I was so excited and zealous to share it with the ladies of the congregation I was a part of at the time, so I suggested it for Ladies' Bible Class material. Unfortunately, it only lasted one class before we had to pick another book. There will be many naysayers out there who don't want to accept a lot of the truth in that book, but don't let that get you down! You're learning all about God's wisdom in your life as a wife and help meet for your husband, and already your lives are better. YEAH! Keep on keeping on. I can't wait to read more. :)



    P.S. There's a journal that goes with the book called "The Help Meet's Journal" or something like that. I just bought it recently with the intent of going back through the book and keeping the journal simultaneously. It's worth checking out. :)

  2. Andra,

    Thank you SO much for your thoughtful comment! You said some really encouraging things, and I'm so thankful that you are reading along with me. :)

    I'll look into that journal!


  3. I totally agree with Andra!
    1. Our first year of marriage I was an utter disgrace. I'm ashamed to say, you've got nothing on me, sister! Praise the Lord for His grace and transformative power! I am not that person anymore. :)
    2. I loved this book too, and when Debi is quoting scripture we can stand firmly behind her, but her applications are her opinion and it's important to respect that people will defer with her opinion; good, mature people. There are many things in Christian life that require discretion and personal application that we don't all agree on. That's ok, we just need to be respectful of each other. I didn't agree with everything she said, but I found her book to be very uplifting, encouraging and bore good fruit in my life and my marriage. That is my testimony. I'm excited for you that it is blessing you, too!